Forgiveness

Today Nathan was mad at Joel. Joel had broken Nathan's paddleball, and Nathan turned into Chief Thundercloud with an angry face and an unforgiving heart. My immediate thought was, "Good grief! That silly thing cost less than a dollar. We can certainly replace it." But my next thought was how it was more important for Nathan to learn to forgive his brother.

Forgiveness. I'm learning about forgiveness, too. It's not easy to forgive ... esp. when someone has hurt you and cut you to the very core. I mean, paddle balls are important (esp. to little boys), but infidelities and breaking sacred vows are obviously on a totally different level. How does one even begin to forgive someone for that?

Quite frankly, at this stage in the game I am finding that every day it is a choice for me to forgive Matt. Some days ... more days than I like ... I feel very bitter and angry towards Matt. My heart is like a heavy stone that is unable to be moved. On days like this, I try to remember that I have a choice. I can choose to live life behind the stone, trapped in a tomb of darkness that is as cold as I am bitter. Or I can choose to allow the One who has already moved away the stone that sealed the tomb to move my stone of anger, allowing me to bask in light that contains more joy and peace than I could ever imagine.

It's a choice. Sometimes I have to make the choice to forgive over and over and over again each day. It's a mantra: "I forgive him. I forgive him. I forgive him." Over and over and over in my head, hour after hour after hour, day after day after day. Some days its specific. I forgive him for choosing Secil over me. I forgive him for leaving our children. I forgive him for the ugly emails and the horrible things he said about my character. I forgive him for telling me that I didn't deserve my wedding ring. Sometimes I find myself extending a more general forgiveness to him because the pain he cause me is so layered and complex that one pain is tied directly to another which is the immediate cause of a third and so forth.

It's been a year since that ill-fated NC trip. I returned home with a mind and a heart that was so wrapped up in pain that I couldn't see or think straight. Last fall and winter is a blur to me. I was dead to the grief. And with the spring my heart begin to stir again ... with an anger that burned and raged like nothing I'd ever felt before. Even then, I knew I had to forgive. That's what 2008 has been for me ... a year of learning to forgive.

There is a Sara Groves song about forgiveness, and part of the lyrics read like this:

I will not let that bitter root grow.
I will not let it leave that legacy.
But it gets so hard when the pain is all I see.
Every time I find healing you're making a new mess,
I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
I could move and never send you a forwarding address,
Or I could learn the real meaning of forgiveness.

The real meaning of forgiveness ... I'm not there yet, but I'm learning every single day. I hope and pray that at some point in the future, I can honestly say that I have forgiven Matt for all he has done to me and the kids. But for now, forgiveness is certainly a daily, and often an hourly, choice that I make, for I do not want that bitter root to grow in me.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18: 21-22)

Looking at the Issues

Normally, I am not passionate about politics. I don't care for debating one candidate over the other. This year is different. If you don't care to know who I am voting for and why, please don't read further.

I'm endorsing John McCain. Personally, I'm not republican or democrat. I am a registered independent voter. I vote as the Lord leads me. After carefully looking at some important issues and trying to align the candidates positions with how I feel the Lord would want our leaders to lead, I've decided that John McCain fits that bill the best. I don't think he is perfect. In fact, there are several ways that I disagree with him. But overall, I feel that he best represents my personal beliefs.

Here are some of the issues that are important to me:

1. Education vouchers that all parents to choose public or private school for their children.
McCain: supports
Obama: opposes

2. Sex education for children in kindergarten through 12th grade.
McCain: opposes
Obama: supports

3. Increase federal income tax rates.
McCain: opposes
Obama: supports

4. Appointing judges that will adhere to a strict interpretation of the Constitution.
McCain: supports
Obama: opposes

5. Public funding of abortions.
McCain: opposes
Obama: supports

6. Parental notification of abortions by minors.
McCain: supports
Obama: opposes

7. Legislation mandating health care for infants surviving abortions
McCain: supports
Obama: opposes

8. Allowing adoption of children by homosexuals.
McCain: opposes
Obama: supports

9. Prohibiting public funding for art that is pornographic or anti-religious.
McCain: supports
Obama: oppose

10. Tax credits for purchasing private health care.
McCain: supports
Obama: opposes

11. Tax credits for investment in renewable sources of energy (such as wind, solar and biomass).
McCain: supports
Obama: supports


My source is the 2008 Christian Coalition Voter Guide for the Presidential Election. You an find out more from the Christian Coalition by visiting their website: www.cc.org

Obviously, not everyone agrees with me. I feel confident that my candidate is who best represents my opinions. My prayer is that all voters would take time to research and choose their candidate with much prayer and seeking of the Lord's will.

The Most Dangerous Cake Recipe in the World!

This is the most dangerous cake recipe in the world.


4 tablespoons flour

4 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons cocoa

1 egg

3 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons oil

3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)

a small splash of vanilla extract

1 large coffee mug

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.

Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts (high). The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.

Now it is time to EAT! (Note: this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous.)

And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

My Dog is Miffed

Poor Jingle-Belle ... She's one rather put-out pup. Mostly, she has a bad case of hurt feelings and it is all my fault.

Nathan and I went "window-shopping" at a strip mall today, while we were trying to kill some time before his ENT appt. Nathan wanted to go into Pet Smart to look at iguanas because what he "really, really, really wants most of all" is an iguana. I told him that we were definitely only looking and certainly not buying. I kept my word. I did not buy an iguana.

However, I didn't say anything about not purchasing cats.

As my luck would have it, today was the day that the local humane society was showcasing their adoptable cats in Pet Smart. We somehow wandered over (only to look, of course), and wouldn't you know it ... this beautiful black cat simply stole my heart. She's a year old and I hadn't looked at her more than 2 minutes before I knew I was adopting her.

After Nathan's ENT appt, I drove back over to Pet Smart and got the little sweetie. She's loving and relatively calm and just as wonderful as can be... already making herself at home in the house and charming us all with her feline ways. Nathan wanted to name her Domino. I went with it because it was a cute name and definitely better than his next suggestion, Tar Baby. (Can you tell we've been reading some Uncle Remus stories aloud over the past month or so? )

So tonight, everyone is happy ... except for Jingle-Belle. She isn't nearly as taken with Domino as the rest of us in the house. In fact, tonight, Jingle-Belle decided to go sleep outside under the house. I suppose that she got tired of the cat because she asked to be put outside while the kids and I were working on homework and oohing over Domino's every move. Jingle-Belle hasn't yet asked to be let back indoors.

Oh, well ... I'm not going to lose any sleep over my dog's cold shoulder. In fact, I'm about to go cuddle in the bed with my kitty and dream sweet dreams. Maybe in the morning Jingle-Belle will forgive me!